It’s the galaxy’s biggest sporting event this weekend – the DreadBall Interplanetary MegaBowl! To celebrate we’ve got FREE rules to download and some incredible offers on teams, books and mats over on the Mantic website. Don’t miss out.
Welcome sports fans to the Mantic Interplanetary MegaBowl. I’m your host Elmer and I’m joined by my enthusiastic co-host, Dobbs.
Thanks Elmer! The Mantic Interplanetary MegaBowl is more exciting than a happy hour on the planet Zulox 7, where an hour actually lasts for three days. The Mantic staff have been battling it out on the neodurium pitches for weeks and we’re down to the final four.
That’s right, Dobbs. We’ve got four teams left in the cup, including:
- Dot Matrix (Neobots) – coached by Martin
- Go, Go, Go Bots! (Neobots) – coached by Elvis
- Something Fishy (Sphyr) – coached by Rob
- Tsudo-Science (Tsudochan) – coached by Duncan
Ooooh boy Elmer, that’s a heck of a line up. Today’s semi-final is Dot Matrix versus Something Fishy. Tomorrow we’ll have Go, Go, Go Bots! versus Tsudo-Science before the exciting final, broadcast (almost) live at 6pm (GMT) this Sunday on the Mantic Facebook page.
Anyway, enough chatter Dobbs. Let’s meet today’s teams.
Programmed by a rogue DreadBall Coach to be as violent as possible, Dot Matrix have left a trail of broken players in their wake. Star player, Alpha is a Guard to be feared after punching a goblin’s head clean off in the quarters. I wouldn’t want to mess with him Dobbs!
It’s hard not to despise Something Fishy, Elmer. With their terrible fishy stink and tendency to whack other players over with their long tails, they’ve become the arch villain of this tournament. I’ve already seen demands to have them banned from the event. Let’s hope they get punished today.
We’re meant to be impartial, Dobbs.
Screw that. I hate these jerks.
Neobots win the toss and go first. As expected they’ve set up aggressively with the Guards leading the charge. Alpha the Guard charges straight in for Sharky the Spyhr Striker. It’s a clean hit but the Striker dodges out the way. Alpha tries again but misses completely. He calls in for some help from the second Guard, Bravo, who manages four hits against the Sphyr. Sharky is knocked down hard and suffers a nasty injury – he’s off for two Rushes – leaving the two-point Strike Zone open. Now the Coach is screaming at the team to actually get the ball and stop hitting everyone. Striker, Foxtrot, jogs to the ball, doubles his pick up and heads to the two-point Strike Zone. He shoots and… SCORES! Two points to Dot Matrix.
To a chorus of boos from the crowd, Something Fishy readies their team. They’ve left their Jacks on the bench, clearly hoping to finish this game quickly. Sensing an opportunity, Nemo the Guard slams Bravo in the back. Clearly something came lose in Bravo’s wiring because he’s off for a Rush. In the centre of the pitch, Blinky the Striker heads for the ball. He ducks past a Neobot guard who tries to Restrain him. “Foul!” cries Something Fishy’s coach but the Refbot is too busy having her visualisers cleaned and misses the foul completely. Blinky gets the ball and just manages to pick it up. Over to his left, fellow striker Flounder sprints to the 3-point strike zone, ready to receive a pass. She screams to Blinky who runs over and fumbles the pass slightly – so Flounder will only have two dice to catch. With a spectacular flourish she leaps up and plucks the ball out of the air. She lands gracefully, and WHAMMO, hammers the ball into the Strike Zone. Three points to Something Fishy, which makes it 1-0.
The ball bounces onto the pitch and coach Martin prepares by buying a card. It’s a Free Foul card, which he plays immediately. Using Linked, he takes the opportunity to bring a Jack off the bench for free and then Stomps on the downed Spyhr. But these fish are slippery and it dodges out the way. Next it’s some Guard on Guard action but they both just kick each other in the knees and nothing happens. Alpha tries again and WHAM! Flipper the Sphyr Guard doubles the throw and knocks Alpha down. There are boos from the crowd. Keen to get the fans back onside, Striker Golf heads to pick up the ball and… FUMBLES. Has someone been tampering with the Dot Matrix wiring? The rush ends and the crowd is not happy. Still 1-0 to Something Fishy.
The Sphyr can smell blood in the water. The coach buys a card (Jack Any Action). Down in the three point Strike Zone, Blinky and Flounder are making signals to each other. Blinky moves in towards the Dot Matrix Jack but he can’t Slam… what’s going on? Instead he purposely goes into the Jack’s threat hex and evades, knocking the Jack down with his tail. The crowd is in uproar as Blinky goes back to the Four Point Hex. But there’s still a Jack blocking the Strike Zone, so what will they do? The ball is behind Flounder but instead of going towards it, she Sprints at the Jack and… oh no… knocks it over with her tail. This is a most sickening display of dodgy behaviour. With the Jack down, the Four Point Strike is now possible and Flounder collects the ball, after two successful dashes. She throws it to Blinky but it’s not a great throw. Blinky has one chance to catch. He does, which leaves him open for the throw. He shoots and… it looks like a miss (coach discards a card for a re-roll) but at the last minute it hits the target. 5-0 to Something Fishy and this is shaping up to be a whitewash.
Dot Matrix needs to do something special. The coach starts by buying a card (Vigilant Ref). Still keen to cause as much damage as possible, Alpha stands up and goes for revenge. Again, it’s a close match and Alpha just ends up pushing Flipper back. However, that leaves the 4pts strike zone open. Seeing its chance, Golf is keen to redeem itself. It runs towards the ball, doubles the pick up and heads straight to the 4pt Strike Hex. Golf can’t quite reach so will need to run and shoot (leaving just one die to score). This is a risky move but KA-BOOOM! Four points to the Dot Matrix. Taking the score to 1-0 to Something Fishy. The crowd are chanting for Dot Matrix.
Something Fishy is going to have to pull something out the bag here. Flipper, the Guard, has seen Golf is facing the opposite direction. With a wicked grin, Flipper Slams Golf in the back. What a disgusting move. Golf’s circuit boards come clean out and it’s been deactivated, leaving Dot Matrix short by one player. The crowd falls into a stunned silence. Back over to Blinky and he sprints to pick up the ball. He’s got to push himself with two dashes… but just manages it. He clumsily picks up the ball though, so the Coach has to use his Any Player Any Action card to move Blinky back to the four point Strike Hex. Meanwhile, down towards the other end of the pitch, a Sphyr Striker comes off the bench and blocks a two point Strike Zone for Dot Matrix. Finally, Blinky smashes the ball into the Strike Zone and scores another four points. 5-0 to Something Fishy.
We’re halfway through the game and it feels like Dot Matrix have work to do. The Ball launches and bounces off a couple of players before settling in the Dot Matrix half. Coach plays a card for a free Slam but uses the linked ability to move a Striker and pick up the ball. It doubles and charges towards the Strike Zone. Elsewhere, with the same card, Charlie the Guard comes off the bench and Slams Flounder. She stumbles and falls to the pitch. Next, Delta and Echo, the Jacks who were knocked down by a disgusting tail move, jump back up. The Coach plays a Free Run card to push Foxtrot to the four point Strike Zone. Foxtrot shoots and…. SCORES! An amazing comeback for Dot Matrix to pull the score to 1-0 to Something Fishy.
Not long left and Something Fishy need to try and keep the advantage. The Coach buys a card (Striker Any Action) and, oh I don’t believe it, Flounder uses her tail to knock over the Dot Matrix Jack and then Sprints towards the ball. She’s waving to the crowd as they boo wildly. She grabs the ball with style and casually jogs back towards the Strike Zone. Using the Striker Any Action card, she moves back towards the Strike Zone. The Four Points is blocked, so instead she slips the ball in for a cheeky three points. We’re back to 4-0 for Something Fishy. Flounder raises her hand to the crowd, who are baying to turn her into fish fingers.
I know I should be impartial here, but I hope Dot Matrix pulls this out the bag. Echo, the Jack, Dodges away from Blinky before Sprinting away. Surely Echo can’t be going for the ball – that would need three Dashes! No, I can’t believe my eyes, Echo has Dashed once, twice, THREE times. The crowd are in hysterics. Now it will have to pick up the ball – Echo doubles the pick up and runs towards Something Fishy’s half. Surely Echo’s got to throw it to the waiting Striker? No, it’s going for glory, and heads to the 2pt Strike Zone. This is going to be a rush to remember, Echo will go down in history as… oh, and Echo has missed. Dot Matrix get an unlucky bounce and the ball scatters back, almost to the launch zone. 4-0 to Something Fishy.
Is this the end for Dot Matrix? Flounder can sense the end. She Runs back towards the ball… but she’ll have to Dash. Not a problem! She easily scoops up the ball and heads to the Strike Zone. She can’t quite get there this turn but she’s undeterred. Something Fishy only need three points to win but… what’s this? Flounder is going to the Four Point hex. This is just showboating. The Coach throws in a couple of Coaching Dice and BOOM! Four points to Something Fishy. It’s all over folks. I’m sure we can agree that the crowd favourites lost this one. Let’s hope our next semi-final is a little more enjoyable folks.